Gospel Centered Marriage

My Role in My Wife's Sanctification

Anticipation, patience, anxiety, joy, pleasure, love. These feelings pounding in my heart and racing through my mind this morning. The date was January 3rd, 2009. One of the fastest days my life has seen, yet the most memorable day I have ever experienced.

The brisk winter morning, the snow falling straight down. I said brisk but FREEZING may be a better way to describe it.

I remember it taking quite a bit longer than usual to get ready for the day. The three piece tuxedo and tie fit nicely in most places yet quite snug around my shoulders and in the neck. It seemed as though I put everything on backwards – buttons in the wrong holes – I even forgot to bring black socks! (Luckily the personal attendant had a spare pair in her magic purse) The building was filled with friends and family. It seemed at every corner was a familiar smile and great conversation.

If you haven’t figured it out already – I’m talking about the morning of the day I was married to the most wonderful woman I know. We were married that afternoon – a blizzardy day in January at a beautiful church in the great town of Fergus Falls, MN.

My bride and I have been married for a little over a year – 383 days! Praise the Lord for her patience and kindness she has shown me in all of my shortcomings and weaknesses. It’s fun to think back through the months and years I have known Lindsay. Here we are now, married to each other, sharing life together, and, pretty typical… getting caught up in life’s seasons and challenges.

So – what about my marriage? It’s good (That puts it nice and sweet, doesn’t it?). OK – it IS good and challenging and sometimes confusing. We have learned much together in our first year of marriage. We have also grown-up and matured much in our first year in marriage. We have experienced tests, trials, and pains as well as victories, laughter, and joy this past year and there are dozens (if not more) of things which I thought I understood, or had a pretty good handle on, before we got married that I have now realized that I had NO CLUE about. Some personal, some emotional – but most are spiritual in nature. Recently, I had one of those ‘slap you in the face’ moments about marriage and the Gospel.

I was listening to one of Paul W. Martin’s sermons on “A Gospel-Centered Marriage” – he exegeted his way through Ephesians 5 (pretty typical ‘marriage’ chapter), verses 22 through 33, concentrating mostly on husbands.

v. 25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” (I’m not the wisest when it comes to that, but I have an understanding of it).

Then he got to v. 26 & 27 “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” (This is where I was slapped in the face.)

After reading this Scripture he asked the question:

“Do you consider your wife’s spiritual growth and maturity your responsibility? What would be your wife's answer?”

I’ve heard it taught many different ways: “Walk beside her, spiritually, don’t leave her behind”, “You are the head of the household, you are in charge of spiritually leading your family” (all good)… but it grabbed me in a different way this time. In my marriage, my responsibility, my goal, my job description is to give myself up for my bride. To make her spiritually gorgeous – holy – blameless – without spot as Christ does for the church (notice the Gospel plug in these verses – Christ sanctifying us, cleansing us, washing us, by His blood, to present us without spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless).

Our response to un-holiness and spiritual blame in our wife’s life is to cleanse her by the washing of the water of the Word – in love (v. 26). But as a result of the fall, our attitude and response is bent toward sin – bent toward doing nothing, to ignore, to shrug our shoulders, to look the other way, to be 'tired because you've tried that already' or 'to give up because she doesn't seem to listen to you anymore' - when Christ does nothing of the sort.

The Gospel came, the Gospel brought change, but now is bearing fruit, and GROWING - this process in your life will continue until death or the return of Christ.

Adam sat by Eve and watched her eat the fruit from the tree of good and evil. WHY DIDN’T HE JUMP IN FRONT OF HER AND STOP IT?!

Martin pleaded that only the Gospel will give you the power to fuel that kind of active love toward your wife. Do you see how a correct understanding of the Gospel is essential to loving your wife the way we are called to love her – the way Christ loved the church? The Gospel must be the core of our being and our motivation to have a God honoring, Christ extolling marriage.

I’m still wrestling with how this needs play out in my marriage. My inadequacy is ever so present to me right now. Lord, help me apply this truth to my life. Lord, please give me wisdom and guidance as I discern truth from error in my marriage.

Praise God for His patience with me as He weaves His sovereign plan through my life.

In Christ,

Saved by Grace